I'm tired.

The last week had been a whirlwind of activity and emotional ups and downs.

Few weeks ago, I finally felt how it was to be a bestfriend. I was there when qing was devasted. I accompanied, comforted, talked to her whenever I have the time. I never felt my importance to her before this because she'll obviously go to her boyfriend when she needed someone, not me. Now that the term "boyfriend" doesn't exist for her, all the more I should be there for her when she needs someone.

True enough, I was there when she needed me. Ironically, it seems like she's keeping things from me.

She only told me about this young man (i should stop using the word "guy, it's a slang.) called Yi Quan about 5 days of contacting him. I know she is not obliged to report to me every single detail of her life, but I am her bestfriend! (or is it just a status?) I wouldn't mind her not telling me once or twice, but it's been quite a number of times already. Plus, Yi Quan isn't some random man she knew. She doesn't reply my messages, but she replies Yi Quan's! (where's the logic?! Unless she likes him)

When asked "Why you reply his messages, never reply mine!" Quoted from qing "Cause, he's also someone who sort of help me ease my pain..." Okay, acceptable. But why did she only tell me about him about 5 days of continuous messaging?

Next, I only realized that she was contacting someone called Philbert (Joyce's friend) when I saw her talking on the phone via the webcam. I thought it was Yi Quan, but when I teased her "Yi Quan ah, Yi Quan~", she replied "No, it's Philbert" SNAPSZXZ, how am I supposed to know who on earth is this man called Philbert? And why is Philbert calling her? I don't even know Philbert existed, how did he appear out of nowhere? Why did he call qing and talk for about an hour? This shows that he could have known her for quite a while, that's why he called. G-R-E-A-T, I didn't even know who he is. I guess qing won't even bother explaining to me who this man was if I didn't see her talking via the webcam.

& she has been messaging in class. What's the big hooo-haa, you ask. She doesn't even message in class when she is with Jinghao! (3-4 messages during school time only) , but now she's messaging I-don't-know-who the whole day. Hey, she sacrifises her studies (in some way) and bothers to even reply these people.

Last tuesday, I thought I was messaging Bernice. Then came a text "Me and Brenda going to watch movie. You wanna come along? (:" I sillily thought was Bernice, I found it werid that she invited me along. I had plans that day, so I replied "Nah, I'm going to study with Vivien today. Enjoy your day!" After several messages, I realize that I've been messaging Qing instead of Bernice. I was furious. Why did Qing decided to go out with Brenda when we booked her to study first? She even agreed to study with us, but in the end, Brenda won. BRENDA WON. Brenda won vivien and me.

She said she wanted to tell me something the day before, but she didn't reply any of my messages. She said what she wanted to tell me was the movie thing that she and Brenda planned. Alright, she forgot to ask me too and forgot to tell me. Wow, she even forgot that we had plans to study. She totally decided to ignore us (vivien and me), decided to choose Brenda over us. Fine.

I told vivien :Qing not coming with us to study. She going out to watch movie with BRENDA
vivien: Orh kay.
shiqi: Go out with Brenda, then we're like shit. Sighs.
vivien: ya lor.

at this time, qing was somewhere near us.

vivien: heard what qiqi say anot, we're like shit.

I went back to my place, then qing came (we were in chemistry lab)

shiqi: you heard what I said
qing: ya.
shiqi: yeah.
qing was pissed already: no la. I go out with brenda still need to ask my mother, wait for her to agree... *starts blabbering all the nonsense*
shiqi: okay, just go and watch with her la.

What has your mother got to do with YOU choosing to go out with BRENDA even though you have agreed to study with us first? There is no link, I don't understand why you chose to pangseh us and go with Brenda. Logically, this wouldn't happen. You mean you study with us don't need to ask your mother? You mean watching movie is more constructive than studying? I don't get your point.

On thursday, vivien asked me "Aye, who is Nicholas" I was at that point, blur. "Nicholas? Nicholas? My mother's partner lor." then she said "no, nicholas... qing's friend" I was awestrucked. WHO THE HELL IS NICHOLAS. Why didn't she tell me about Nicholas then? I wouldn't even know he existed if vivien didn't ask me. Would she even tell me who Nicholas is, if I don't ask her? I doubt so.

That day, I called and confirmed with her if she wanted to study with me and vivien.

shiqi: qing, just asking if you wanna come with us to study tmr. With Mr Lim.
qing: eh... uh.... *change of tone and speaks faster* You wanna study at Arielle's house?
what the hell, why is Arielle in this whole picture?
shiqi: what?
qing: Arielle's house to study.
shiqi: NO.
qing: Why?
wlao, still dare to ask me why
shiqi: BECAUSE I'm going to study with vivien.
as if you don't know.
qing: oh, okay.
-silence for a pregnant half a minute-
shiqi: okay, bye.
qing: are you angry?
shiqi: ABIT
Duh!
qing: don't be angry la.
Why should I? I'm asking you if you want to follow my plans and there you give me another plan.
shiqi: can you just tell me if you want to come OR not.
qing: i don't know la, i don't know. Tomorrow then decide la.
shiqi: okay, bye.

After that I received a text from her. "Sorry, don't be angry. I already agreed to study with Arielle. Smile okay."

Please la, you already agreed to study with Arielle, then why didn't you say earlier? Do you have to beat about the bush? You lied to me. This time, we also asked you before Arielle. I am very sure of that. Well, fine. You chose Arielle.

We asked if you wanted to study with us the week you ended your tournament. You agreed, but it never happened. When I said "I asked you earlier", then she'll give me replies such as "Aiyah! I already agreed to them le!" Hello, then what about the agreement with us? You agreed to us too! ):

There are so many things I don't know about you. There are so many things that you're keeping from me. I have to try to find those things out, you won't even care to share with me. I realize that if I don't start the conversation, we won't even talk. Why is this happening?

I find out that you've been going out with other classmates in the class. I'm fine with it, but I only know that you went out with other people from their conversations. Do you know how it feels when I get to know you from other people instead? It feels worst when I have to find things out from other people, really.

There are hundred and one things I wanna blog about you, but I have better things to do. I'm so pissed, I don't know how to get back the relationship. );

I tried so hard to get us back to normal, but you're putting yourself in a situation that will drift us further. Relationships won't work if I'm the only one working hard to mend it. It takes two hands to clap. I'm really tired of mending this broken relationship.

Labels: emotional, friends