Have you all realise I haven't even finish uploading my mooncake fest' picas? Bwah, I don't have the mood to do that now.
Let me just name the girl Lucy (I have no idea why, but this name appeared in my mind)
*Disclaimer: All names in this context is all fake and not real. They are all made up by me to protect any of my friends.
Sorry I have to rant, I just can't stand it & I do not think it is good for me to keep it in my heart. It is unhealthy & it is affecting my studies. Besides, I haven't been doing too good for my prelims, I need to be more focused.
Okay, so... wonder how the trashing session went ? lol, it was a big fat joke.
We (the five of us including another girl: let's name the girl Elaine.) decided to confront her during the intersection between checking papers & going through mistakes.
PS: That was quite an overwhelming fact book, lol. I'll add on to it when I think it's nesscessary.
Before everything, let's get the facts & rumours & what she claimed/said:
1) Fact: On 17 September, Wednesday
Lucy got back her papers, she was depressed & sad (I assumed) because she scored less than 20 for both maths papers. Scored 35 for Chemistry paper. She didn't show that she was sad, instead she was discussing about her idol with Alice. We did not know that she was sad & needed comfort.
Sarah on the other hand got higher than Lucy seemed more devasted. She had tears in her eyes & obviously we had to comfort her. She's priority because she seemed more serious than Lucy. However, our simple action made Lucy angry & pissed off (& maybe jealous) From then on, she did not talk to us & did not even voice out.
She went off alone for chapel while we went back to put our belongingss in class. As we all know, she hates to be alone. The time she goes off alone is the time that she is angry/pissed.
What we heard: Then I heard from Kelly (after chapel) that Lucy was angry because we did not comfort her.
Fact: That was because we didn't know she was unhappy. When I tried to talk to her she ignored me. And thus I did not bother her further.
2) What we heard: Cheryl said that Lucy felt left out & uncared for.
Fact: We do care about her. But as you can see, she didn't want to receive the care from me. (And the rest too) If she does not want the care, I see no point in caring for her because I could have given this care to someone else who treasures it & not her who takes it for granted.
Thoughts: Personally, I do not think she is left out. If she feels left out, I think Samantha will feel worst. She just joined our clique & doesn't really understand the way we 'work'. Ruth will be the worst because Lucy hates her to the core, with no valid reason. (That I do not know)
3) What we've heard: Lucy compares us with her another friend, (whom fyi: she has told a few that she hated her) Diana. She claims that Diana cares more for her studies & even bothered to help her, but we did not.
Thoughts: I think the sudden appearance of Diana is very questionable. She hasn't been talking to Lucy for a few months. And wow, she appeared at such a right timing. Ain't it questionable?
4) What we've heard: Lucy was talking to Rachael
The convo went something like that:
Lucy: "I know I am very domineering & selfish, I know that."
Rachael: "Maybe you can try to change?"
Lucy: "Have you heard of 本性难移 (which means: It's hard to change one's original self) It's hard to change"
Rachael: "------(I do not know what she replied)-----"
Lucy: "Then why can't they change for me?"
Thoughts: This is far too unreasonable. 8 people changing for her? It is easier for one person to change. & She just contridicted herself because she said that it's hard to change but now she's asking why we can't change for her. LAUGH OUT LOUD.
5) What we've heard: She wants the clique to nag at her.
Thoughts: But when we nag you don't give a shit and don't care. Why should we waste saliva on you? We nag until we don't wanna nag already.
We just wanted to have a heart to heart talk, pour out session with her. We confronted her & sat beside her to talk about the problem. All she did was to do her physics notes. & Ignored us of course.
Elaine asked her a lot of questions but she did not reply at all. I felt like I was talking to a wall luh please. Even Ruth told Lucy "I am not trying to assume or anything. But if you really hate me, you can just tell me straight in the face, I am not going to kill you or scold you. If you don't tell me, I can't change". I don't understand why can't she just answer us, even Ruth is willing to pour out and say it straight to her, but she just didn't want to reply us.
OF ALL RIGHT TIMING, A LAZY PERSON WHO DOESN'T DO ANYTHING DECIDES TO DO HER PHYSICS NOTES THAT TIME. She is avoiding us, I know that.
We did not want things to be harsh, so we still told her nicely that we are just trying to solve the problem and that we do not hate her at all. She ignored us and didn't want to answer.
Elaine said: "Lucy answer me... I believe that there is a time for everything. It is not the right time to study now."
She took away her pencils, and tried to take her textbook, but she held on tight to it.
Lucy: "How do you expect me to be happy when people shouts at me?"
We were not even shouting please.
Elaine: "If you insist to keep quiet, then nevermind."
Elaine: "Lucy do you still want this frienship?"
"You have to answer this question. You must"
I really felt like crying at this point of time. If she were to say no, I'll burst into tears. Really. Even Qing (Haha, this is a real name) hasn't seen me in tears before. If I do cry, that shows that I am really concern.
"You never reply means that you still want it right? "
Fine, then we were pissed because she ignored us and sad because she didn't answer. At this right timing, Mrs Ong had to cut us apart and said it was time to check the papers...
We wanted to talk to her after school but she avoided us.
The problem will never evaporate into thin air like that. It has been there for years, we just want to solve it now and tell you what is wrong so that you can change.
It is not as if we talk to you and then we're leaving you. We are not. Look, Qing and I have countless such talks, I just told Qing what I was uncomfortable about her at that point of time and then we went on. Look, we're still best friends. Nothing has happened.
She texted my friend after school, 30 messages long.
Let me tell you what I remember & was pissed about.
1) "I can say that I reflected more than anyone of you, I reflected so much till I couldn't sleep at night. I had to take sleeping pills. "
Thoughts: I do not doubt the fact that you've reflected. But you've done shit about this. What is the point of your sleepless nights? And I do not think sleeping pills are that easy to find.
2) "I am tired of all the "Did you study today? Study already? Go study leh!" Crap. Do you know it sounds very 敷衍 (I don't know how to explain the meaning)? Like just say for the sake of saying? "
Thoughts: Oh well, first you complained that we do not care enough. When we really care you call it 敷衍!?
3) "I am not angry. I just need my time alone"
Thoughts: And you said we didn't console you? You just said in your text message that you need time alone mah! I give you time alone, cannot is it?!
Please lah. You are a attention seeker. I know you for 5 years leh, you won't need a time alone. *rolls eyes* You are just avoiding.
4) "Even Diana made the initiative to teach me when she sees me having difficulty in Chemistry"
Thoughts: Yea, at such a right timing? lol. I think you dragged her and pretended that she took the initiative.
Why should we take initative when everytime we do you tell us "I just can't do it?" I don't see the effort in you, I don't see the point k.
5) "Everytime ask you all teach then give me the I wanna die face. Even though I don't show it on my face, but it is very disheartening"
Thoughts: YOU JUST CONTRIDICTED YOURSELF BY SAYING THAT YOU THINK OUR STUPID NAGGING MESSAGES IS CRAP.
6) "Do you know it is the wrong timing?"
Thoughts: Uh, and do you know it's the wrong timing to make a fuss over such small things?
7) "Some people claim that they worry, they worry, they worry. But they do not take the initiaive to help me"
Thoughts: You claim and you claim and you claim that you know you are selfish & domineering. But you do not change! Oh irony!
& please lor, you've never appreciated our help, do you?
We are not your mother and father. We do not have the duty to make sure you score well. We are worried but you aren't!
We are trying to save the friendship but you keep pushing us away.
There's so much I wanna say, but I don't have that 30messages long message. I can't remember what I wanna say. Everyone has something wrong, but the problem is that, do you change?
I am the only child, you aren't. I think it's more understandable if I'm that childish and stubborn like you, but I'm not! Gosh.
The next time (if there ever is) you talk to me, I'll ignore you because I NEED A QUIET TIME ALONE
WE ALL NEED SOME TIME ALONE.
YOU CAN JUST CONTINUE LIVING WITHOUT US.
I AM NOT GOING TO BE SORRY BECAUSE I'VE GIVEN IN COUNTLESS TIMES.
YOU DIDN'T APPRECIATE AND INSTEAD TOOK IT FOR GRANTED.
IT'S JUST TOO MANY TIMES. I FORGIVE AND FORGET. BUT YOU KEPT REMINDING ME OF YOUR FAULTS.
OH AND WHY YOU FELT LEFT OUT.. WAS BECAUSE YOU DON'T PUT AN EFFORT TO TALK TO EVERYONE IN THE CLIQUE.
WE ARE A CLIQUE. IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO TELL US AND SHARE YOUR PROBLEMS, I DO NOT SEE A POINT OF THIS CLIQUE WHERE LIES IS PROMINENT.
YOU SAID YOU HATED A LOT OF PEOPLE, I KNOW WHO ARE THEY. HAHA, EVEN THE ONES WHO ARE PROTECTING YOU NOW ARE THE ONES YOU HATED.
IDK IF YOU'RE JUST IN OUR CLIQUE BECAUSE YOU NEEDED A PLACE IN 4B2 OR WHAT
BUT I APPRECIATE THE TIMES WE HAD TOGETHER.
I HOPE YOU DO NOT REGRET THAT YOU'VE IGNORED US THAT VERY DAY WHEN WE TRIED TO TALK TO YOU
WE'RE OUT OF FUEL ALREADY. NOT SO MUCH OF ENERGY LEFT TO CARE ABOUT SUCH PROBLEMS.
WE'VE GIVEN OUR LAST SHOT AND THAT'S IT.
Like it or not, you've kinda brought this to yourself. We've given in a lot of times already.
I know I had faults too. Everyone had faults, but you refused to change. We've changed and we've got better. I don't know about you.
I hope you understand that if we don't tell you this, you're going to face the same thing in the future. I know you've gone through this like the 3rd time in secondary school life.
I do not want to break the friendship. But I want you to know that you need to change and I want you to change if not the problem will exist forever and there is no point in the friendship.
I've got a feeling that we're still gonna talk in the future because from what I see, you've talked to the ones you hated anyway. (because you needed company) Oh well.
But the knot will be there unless you want to face it.
I've faced my own problems and changed. I hope you do.
I'm not perfect though, I know I can improve tooo.
I do not know what I should forsee in the future but I am going to let this matter rest and leave you alone for the time being. We all need to reflect but this is not the best timing.
HIATUS EVERYTHING & I need to concentrate on my O's, prelims was badly done though.
k no one is going to read this lor. Hahahah, bye.